


Farewell, Fiddlers and Cookie Cutters

by Edom



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M, Out of Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-22
Updated: 2010-07-22
Packaged: 2017-10-10 17:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/102487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Edom/pseuds/Edom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brian decides to fight for Justin. A re-write of the scene in the diner with Brian and Ethan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Farewell, Fiddlers and Cookie Cutters

**Brian POV**

Fuck, it hurts. I never imagined that it would hurt this much. I mean, it's not like I have ever been in love before, and yes, I can admit to myself that it's love. How can he do this to me? I just don't get it. Am I really that impossible to love? Were my parents really right? NO! Damn it, I know he loves me, but that can only mean one thing; I have made it fucking impossible for him to stay with me. And I guess that's true. I have refused to give in to even the smallest of his requests; it's been my way or the highway. I don't think Justin has gotten even as much as 10% of what he really wants from a relationship with me. I probably should let him go; if someone else is willing and able to give it to him, I should let him go so he can be happy, but I can't. I really am the selfish asshole everybody always tells me I am. I have no idea how to get him to stay. I have to get him to see that what he and I have is special; it's not some pretty little cookie cutter romance or the big Hollywood production, but it's real and it's everyday and, for me at least, forever. I know deep down to my very core that if this thing with Justin falls apart, I'm never falling in love again; he's it for me, my only fucking chance at this shit.

Just then, I see him, the fucking bane of my existence, Ethan Gold, outside the diner playing his violin. That's another thing; a violinist? Really? I know Justin has a shift after class today; that's why I'm here in the first place, and I suddenly know what to do. I put some money in the fiddler's case and ask him to join me for coffee to discuss a proposition I have for him.

We sit across from each other, him with his back to the door, the way I planned it. I tell him about the commercial I want him for, and then I see him, Justin, coming in the door. I excuse myself and get up to greet him. He smiles; he looks so damn happy to see me that my heart swells. Damn, I'm a fucking dyke.

I grab a hold of him and give him a kiss. Right there in the middle of the diner, I give him one of those kisses, the ones I hardly ever give him because they produce the same result every single time; our lips part, he licks his, opens his eyes very slowly, looks at me and says:

"I love you, Brian."

He does the same thing today. It's loud enough for Ian to hear over the noise in the diner and I can see his face fall over Justin's shoulder. He never did get my name, never knew who I was; now he does, now he knows what he's up against, and I have to make it perfectly clear that I'm not going down without a fight.

"I know, Sunshine, I know."

I give him a little kiss on the nose and he smiles at me.

"You know I always say that when you kiss me like that."

"Yes, I know; that's why I did it."

His smile gets even brighter, his love for me shines in his eyes, and I let him see the same thing in my eyes. I don't try to mask it, I don't look away, I just look him straight in the eyes before letting go of him and taking him with me back to the booth.

I know the second he sees the fiddler. He tenses and looks back and forth between us. I ignore it and just sit down, pulling him in next to me.

"I was just offering this young man a job as a strolling violinist in a commercial I'm doing." I turn to him and smile apologetically. "I'm sorry, I never did get your name."

"Ethan Gold."

I turn back to Justin.

"This is Ethan. Ethan, this is my partner, Justin."

I hear Justin gasp next to me and I see the look of surprise on the fiddler's face. Good; I hope he gets the message Justin is MINE and I don't share, ever.

Ethan gets up to get to class and Justin has to start his shift, so I go back to work.

When he gets home that night, he looks so lost, so sad.

"I'm sorry, Brian. I should have told you about him."

"No, that would have defeated the purpose of having an affair, if the one you're cheating on knew."

I'm hurt and I want him to feel a little of it; I'm petty that way. He blanches and I can see the hurt on his face.

"I'm sorry, I really am."

He doesn't say anything else, and what else is there to say, really?

"Is he the one you want, Justin?"

"No."

One word, and I'm so relieved I'm happy that I'm sitting down; I don't think my legs would have supported me otherwise.

"Good, then don't see him anymore, please."

Again, I let him see me, let him see the hurt and the longing in my eyes. His eyes well up with tears and I get up and go to him. I pull him to me and just hold him really tight for a long time.

"I won't, I promise. I'll break it off with him tomorrow, and after that, I'll never see him again."

"Thanks,"

I whisper in his ear; my voice isn't cooperating right now. I kiss him then and walk us to the bedroom. We take off our clothes and go to bed. I fuck him ever so slowly; you might, if you're a lesbian, say that I make love to him. I look in his eyes the entire time and I see something shift in him. The haunted look he's had for a very long time leaves him and he looks at peace, thank god.


End file.
